Church, Music, and some other stuff

Holding Hands In Church – Just A Few Observations

490157_thumbnailChristians love to touch.  Whether it’s holding hands, putting arms around each other, hugging, etc., we just love it!  As someone with a personal bubble security like Alcatraz, I’m pretty sensitive to the whole touching gig.

I’d say that this quality makes me very aware when touching is happening.  Specifically holding hands.  Here are a few things I’ve observed about holding hands in church.

1. To scratch and itch or not to scratch an itch?

It’s the absolute worst when your nose or something starts itching while people on both sides of you have a sweaty death grip during a prayer.  The question that never ceases to cross my mind that may very well be the question of the century is – Do I pry my hand out and itch my nose, or do I bring the person’s hand up to my face and scratch with one finger as I hold their hand with the other?

As you can see, neither solution leaves you awkwardness free.  Of course, you can always just let your face itch, but that’s even worse. Trust me.

2. The squeeze at the end?

I always love the person who gives that extra tight squeeze at the end of the prayer before letting go.  I assume it’s like pressing send on the prayer.  What I don’t like is when you try to let go just as soon as they give their hardy squeeze.  It’s the awkward “oh…ha…I didn’t know you were gonna…ha…oh…” moment.

My advice is to just let is go.  You are to far gone to try and squeeze their hand back.  You’ve already shown that you aren’t as much of a “loving Christian” as they are.  Let it go.

My last observation is this.

3. Don’t link fingers with me, and DON’T raise your hands while you’re holding mine.

I once had a lady try to link fingers (intertwine fingers) with me.  I tightened my hand up so hard and fast while keeping a straight face, like I didn’t even notice what she was trying to do, you would have thought I was statue.  Oh, but I noticed LADY.  You DO NOT link fingers with a stranger! That’s a big No!

I also once had a guy lift his hands to worship while holding mine and a person on the other side of him’s hand.   Do I even have to explain why this is not okay?  I wanted to yell, “No! Stop the service everybody! This guy just lifted his hands while holding mine!”  I would then proceed to grab the mic from the pastor who was praying at that moment and explain why what just happened, is not okay.

These are my few observations when it comes to holding hands in church.  What observations would you like to add to the list?

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4 Comments

  1. Kathy
    Kathy09-06-2015

    Oh man, this is hysterical. Thanks for the hearty laugh this morning. Loved it.

  2. Brian
    Brian10-28-2014

    We do that a lot, go to the front of the church after service and hold hands while waiting on our Pastor to pray for us. I’m usually bad for letting go of the other person’s hand right away, and had to let go a couple of times cause my nose itched!!

  3. Brittany
    Brittany07-10-2014

    Too funny! I’m the “Squeezer” at the end though. oops! 😛

  4. Sarah Wyss
    Sarah Wyss03-03-2014

    I laughed so hard at this! Because it’s soooo true. I once was in a meeting, where we were requested to hold hands and to lift them up in prayer. then the pastor prayed for 10 minutes!!! (and I’m not exaggerating here) after two minutes and no blood left in my arms I started to wonder, if it was ok to take my arms down. But what would my neighbours think? And with whom would they hold hands, when I took mine down? Today I wouldn’t think twice. but then… I was only a teenager and what did I know 😉